The question was "With all of the paradigms out there, why do C programmers spend so much time bragging that they can do what Haskell and Lisp do?"
Because;
1.these languages are 'abstraction monsters' which allows easy stacking
of abstraction with a fraction of code size of imperative-type language.
2.its hard to do this in C, so its a challenge to replicate the high-level paradigms.
C lacks easy access to closures/lambda/type-level abstractions.
3.C provides relatively little overhead, allowing C programmers to brag
that their construct are Faster than X, while replicating X functionality.
4.A little unmentioned fact, is Haskell/Lisp typically compile to C allowing
C programmers to analyze what they do at low-level and copy it.