Pause
The things that bother us tend to activate us. Pause before you take action to address or analyze a conflict. Ensure you are physically safe, and that you’ve settled your nerves. Once grounded, you can constructively navigate a conflict.
Breathe
- start by taking 1-5 deep breaths
- try counting while you breathe and holding your inhale for longer than you exhale
- or, use your favourite breathing, grounding or mindfulness technique to settle your nervous system
Physical check-in
- Am I physically safe? (free from immediate threat of physical harm)
- Am I rested?
- Am I hungry or thirsty?
- Am I in pain or physically ill?
- Have I had fresh air today?
- Have I felt natural light today?
- When was the last time I was able to connect with nature?
- Have I moved my body today?
- Am I holding my breath?
- How might nutrition, substances or medication be impacting or supporting me today?
- Are there any physical needs I need to address before moving forward?
Mental/Emotional check-in
- How am I feeling right now?
- How do I feel about my personal relationships and people I care about?
- Are the people I love doing well?
- What else has been/is/will be on my schedule today?
- Are there things outside of this circumstance or situation that are bothering me?
- How am I feeling about my work?
- What else is going on with my team/department that is on my mind?
- Have I been able to focus today?
- What other conversations have been part of my day?
- How do I feel about my working relationships outside of this conflict?
- Could other sources of stress be exacerbating this experience for me?
- Does this situation remind me of anything else that I’ve experienced before?
- What spiritual or cultural support or practices will help me in my next steps?
- How can I get the support I emotionally need to take next steps?
Conflict avoidance
Once you’ve paused and composed yourself, it can be easy to think you can “just let it go” without taking further action. Although sometimes this is possible, most of the time it’s a path to conflict avoidance.
When we avoid conflict, it usually re-emerges later in a more complicated way. Before you exit the conflict process, ask yourself, “am I truly able to let this go?”
If not, how can you prepare to engage in the next step?
Next steps
- Courageous 60 seconds
- Consider: Analyze and Prepare to Discuss